All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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