Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
