It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
