Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
