You smell like stripper and shame
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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