I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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