Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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