I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
