Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
