It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
