Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
