I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
