I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
