you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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