I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
