SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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