She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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