Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
