dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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