Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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