You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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