He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
