You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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