Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
