Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
