Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
