i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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