No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
