tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
