Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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