So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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