Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
