Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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