"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
