woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
