he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
