Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
