I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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