and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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