Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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