just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
