kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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