the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
