I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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