He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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