it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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