Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
