I just threw up on my dentist
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
