I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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