Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you had me at cake vodka
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
