You work out of a Hotel?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
