hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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