Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will be naked everywhere
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
