My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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