she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
