used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
