I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
