If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
did you just send me my own nude
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
