Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
