So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
