see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
