i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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