my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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