so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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