meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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