There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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