he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
