i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
