Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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