I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
